Chicken coop...

I have a week off work and the weather is beautiful. It's not possible to not be lifted by the warm morning sun and the birds singing.

I sat with my coffee amongst my newly planted vegetables and meditated for half an hour, it was peaceful. This week will be dedicated to the garden and decorating the back bedroom. I have a tiny courtyard garden on two levels with no grass or soil so I plant everything in pots and troughs. It is one of the rare things that absolutely fills me with joy to see everything growing all higgledy piggledy with beans and cabbages and tomatoes enjoying the mild weather along with potates, courgettes and lettuce. I had a pretty good growing season last year and learned a lot about what will grown well in such a tiny space with restricted light. My garden is over shadowed by an enourmous ash tree so the sun is only intense in the morning and the late afternoon, but this probably serves the garden well and stops the plants getting scorched!

I do not grow massive amounts, no great sweeping rows of plenty. I just grow a little of everything, enough to supplement my own needs and maybe a few tomatoes and chillis shared with the neighbours...it's not about the food, it's the act of growing and watching something thrive. Just sitting with the veg becomes a very peaceful and fulfilling activity which I enjoy and find very healing.

I have been attending therapy and I think I am getting past the emotional, outpouring stage. The main problem of my family will never be resolved because, with regard to eachother, they cannot change and neither can I. I can only change how I feel about myself coping with their absence and the fact that they are not perfect and neither am I. There has been no contact but the more I think about it, I think this is what I needed to be completely free to focus on my inner self.

I don't discuss with anyone else because they are private matters pertaining only to me and I do not wish to burden others with something only I can fix...the journey continues and my black thoughts are still there, but I am learning to live with them and accept that they are a part of myself.

Today I am going to see a friend and we are going to clear some space in her garden and build a chicken coop. I am looking foward to being able to help care for the chickens and learn about how to look after them properly. We will share the cost of the food/vet bills and also share the eggs :-)

I have returned to eating just one meal a day (evening). I found this so helpful before for restoring my energy levels, helping me sleep better and also losing weight. Other bodily ailments are also reduced, constipation, piles, allergies as well as avoiding the mid afternoon slump. People criticize the practice but I think if something works for you, then it works. It is also the practice of Buddhist monks and nuns and they have been doing it for over 2000 years, so I see no difference for me. I admit I did not originally find the idea from Buddhism, but from a man who wrote a blog about doing it himself

.http://hubbyshome.com/486/how-to-lose-weight-fast-eating-one-meal-a-day/

it inspired me!

I am listening to Buddhist teachings, learning about how to let things go!, how to not be so attached to things and how to meditate for a peaceful and compassionate mind. I listen to Robina Courtin and Ajahn Brahm amongst others and it has been immensely helpful to my troubled mind.

It could be argued that I am not showing compassion towards my family by not contacting them, but for now it's OK, I know now is not the right time and I need to focus more on myself and find out what most makes me happy.

Time to go build the chicken coop and enjoy the rest of the gorgeous day!