NEXT!!!!!!

And in the news today...'Angie actually went on the date. God I hate dating a lot and yet I am a moth to the flame. I had arranged to meet this man I got talking to on the Internet for a pub lunch. He sent one tiny little grainy photo to me that made him look like an ex from Strangeways but I thought I'd take my chances. After much deliberation and overcoming a minor case of the ' will he won't he show' jitters. I made my way to the said pre- arranged location like a man on death row. I pulled into the car park of the pub, it was spitting with rain and my hair wasn't behaving. I could see the guy sitting in his rather nice black shiny sports car but as soon as he got out my heart sank. He was tallish but weedy and thin. He had the kind of face that looked like it had been screwed up and shut in a drawer denied from sunlight for several years. His hair was clean but flopped over his left eye and lay across the bridge of a ratty little nose. He gave me a toothy grin and leaned forward to peck me on the cheek.

Lets get one thing straight here. I am not exactly a babe. I keep myself nice and have a definite idea of what I am searching for in a partner, both looks and personality wise. But I do like to give people a chance, even if it's just one. Most men when seeking women, box entirely above their weight but it is never polite, when setting eyes on a bloke for the first time, you start pulling your hair out and run screaming ' Oh God NOOOOOOO, its HERMAN MUNSTER!!!!!!' from the scene. Also this looks so bad and you could run into a lamp post and knock yourself out, giving him the opportunity to give you the kiss of life (heaven forbid)

This man looked tired and weary and when we sat down with our drinks he was not only weary but dreary too. He droned for about an hour over his ex wife leaving him. He repeated the sentence 'She was relocated with her job and went to bed with her laptop' about seven time. God help me if I was married to this man I think I would have relocated to Northern Iraq, and I'd have taken the bloody laptop too!!.

I tried my best to look interested, I leaned forward and placed a finger on my chin (much like Dr Evil) trying to look remotely concerned for his predicament. All the time my stomach was rumbling away like an old boiler. 'I am sure this was a lunch date' I thought to myself?? If I was seriously going to have to listen to such insufferable crap at least there should be food involved.

I managed to break into the conversation whilst he took a momentary pause to sigh deeply and buff up his look of pathos. 'Shall we order some food' I proffered, he blinked ' Well I've already eaten but you can get yourself something if you like'. That was it for me...game over. I sat there for a while longer letting him witter on. He asked nothing about me. I think he had me mistaken for the Samaritans or a marriage guidance counsellor. I wanted to tell him how boring and annoying he was...but I didn't. Why kick a man why he's down?

I finished my drink and said it was time for me to go. We made some inane banter on parting. The kind that you do when secretly your thinking 'I never wanna see you again and why the fuck am I doing this' He made an attempt to kiss me on the lips. It was like slow mo' with me making a nifty diverting turn of my head. The kiss landed somewhere between my top lip and the side of my nose...'just kill me now'

I waited for him to pull out of the car park in his flashy motor and I breathed a huge sigh of relief and chuckled all the way home.

Internet dating is a game of numbers. Its a quick fix, fast track, in and out way to make contact with others and you really do have to have balls the size of melons to survive it. It's a brutal game out there and any flaw or failing on your part will be trampled on and spat out by the obdurate institution that it is. Sensitive people are toast and paranoia runs rampant. Its a case of 'If you can't stand the heat...get out of the game pretty fast'

For me it's a game I like to indulge in every so often. Intrinsically I am happy being single. I am not ready to share space or pick out bath towels just yet, but I do seek for company every now and then and being human, there's no shame in that.

All I have to say about the date is NEXT!!!!!!!!!